What Is Parts Integration & How Can It Help to Resolve In-Decisions?
"Waiting hurts. Forgetting hurts. But not knowing which decision to take can sometimes be the most painful." Jose N. Harris
Every human being, including our clients, at many points throughout their lives have been faced with indecision, for example:
- Do I stay in my marriage or walk out?
- Shall I get the surgery or heal my issue naturally?
- Should I leave my job or open my business?
A deeper indecision which is connected to our identities might be:
- "Do I accept myself the way I am or do I change myself to suit the needs of others so as to keep the peace in the family and my work?"
- "Should I commit whole heartedly to my business and go all out or play it safe and give up on my dreams to help others heal.
Freud saw such conflicts as being the root of many psychological issues and said, “When the fight is between two parts of oneself, one can never win.”
So what can you do when faced with an in-decision?
One option when faced with an in-decision is to do absolutely nothing and to hope things will work out automatically.
In this option, months and years can go by feeling stuck, disappointed and lost. The cost of in-action can have an impact on relationships, health, career, well-being and motivation.
The other option is to get to the root of the in-decision and clear it with the Parts Integration Process which is a coaching technique taught during Breakthrough NLP Practitioner Training.
Parts integration is a fast and effective way to resolve conflicting parts that a client may be experiencing around a given topic, goal or decision and which cannot be logically reasoned out.
"If a client has an external goal and comes up against external obstacles he/she can negotiate their way around them. However, when there is a battle between moving towards the goal (success) and not succeeding (failure, fear of rejection), the client cannot win and is likely to stand still rather than do the wrong thing – in other words, procrastinate." Dr Rangana Rupavi Choudhuri (PhD), Breakthrough Coaching NLP Master Trainer of Trainers
The Parts Integration Process
The below has been written with you in mind and for those who are qualified as coaches you can use the same technqiue with your clients.
- First bring to your mind a surface conflict, for example, “I want to stay in my marriage or I want to leave my marriage.”
- Then ask yourself, how does the surface conflict make you feel?
- Then ask yourself, how is the surface conflict a problem for you? Then ask yourself, how does it make you feel?
- Keep asking how is it a problem, till you have arrived at a deeper conflict, for example "I want freedom versus I want security."
- Place your hand palm facing up on your laps and imagine placing one part in one hand, for example freedom and the other part, for example security in the other hand
- Then focus on the part which has a higher level of discomfort first and ask yourself:
- What is the colour of the part?
- What is the texture of the part?
- What is the size or shape of the part?
- Are there any sound? What are they?
- Is it male or female?
- Repeat the same process for the other part. What you are doing is getting detailed information (sub-modalities) about how the part is stored internally. When you have this information it's easier to change it to what is desired.
- Then come back to the first part which had more discomfort and ask yourself, "What is benefit of this part and how does it make you feel? What is the highest purpose of this part and does it make you feel?
- Keep asking till it feels you have reached a higher level like:
- Then do the same for the other part and when you get that they both have the same needs in common, you can ask for the hands to communicate with each other and come together.
- The hands coming together happens spontaneously. Let the hands communicate with each other. The benefit of one flow into the other. That's right. Let them come together in their own time. If the hands do not come together, ask yourself what is the wholeness created when the two parts come together.
- When the hands come together give yourself time for it to integrate
- Write down any insights and learning's
Life Coach & Healer
"My son has the label borderline autism, and I was stuck between giving my son more freedom to explore on his own or to keep a tight reign over him. I did not not allow him to play alone and supervised his every move. I was suffocating him and this was affecting our relationship. I used the Parts Integration Process and within 15 minutes my conflict was resolved. I realised at a deeper level I had 2 parts in conflict: one was fear and the other love. The fear was motivated by the need to keep him safe because I loved him. And the love was motivated by just loving him. I was able to bring these 2 parts in conflict together and make peace with myself, where I no longer had the in-decision and could give him the freedom when needed and to support him when needed.'
Is Parts Integration about integrating parts of the conflict, or about accepting both the parts
So the purpose of parts is not always acceptance. The purpose is wholeness. Making peace with the surface and deeper conflict where they no longer feel like a conflict - hence wholeness
It’s a integration of different parts in conflict. Here am referring to the deeper rather than the surface conflict, for example
- I am loved and I am not loved
- I am certain and I am not certain
- I am connected and I am not connected
- I am significant and I am not significant
- I am free and I am trapped
They will generally link back to the 6 human needs
- Love/ Connection
Now here is the things, each part has a benefit. For example you can have a conflict, "that I must work hard and that I must not work hard."
Work hard might seem positive but it can also be stressful so it’s about getting the benefit of working hard and what need it is trying to fulfill and the same for the opposite and bringing them together to create wholeness.
"Sometimes I am not able to break a pattern just because a part of me feels so broken or wants to hold on to pain, suffering or whatever else it wants . In such cases the harder i try the more brittle my state seems. Then, I gently pick up the pieces of my precious precious heart and sow them back together, I become more me ,more real ,more vulnerable . I am in no hurry to force the parts to come back , this journey carries within it beauty and grace , it presents me with empathy to receive other beings who are also on a journey to sow themselves back to completion."
Parts Integration is one of the most powerful Breakthrough Coaching NLP Techniques.
Whether its to get clarity with an in-decision or to heal unaccepted part of ourselves or to experience wholeness.
The trick, as a coach, with Parts Integration is to listen deeply to what the deeper conflict is and to use sensitivity, tact and compassion when asking the questions to uncover the root cause of the surface in-decision.
Finally when the parts come together to give the client space and time to integrate as its deeply healing allowing for a desired reality.
In summary, the Parts Integration process from NLP (Neuro linguistic programming) can be used in any part of life. Be it career, relationships, health choices or an important decision that might have to be taken and quickly.
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