Healing Connections: The Art of EFT Tapping for Relationship Issues

Healing Connections: The Art of EFT Tapping for Relationship Issues

Emotional relationships form the core of your human experience, shaping your interactions with others and influencing your well-being. In this blog, you will learn about practical applications for addressing relationship issues, emphasising the emotional aspects. Also, understand the four distinct attachment styles, their impact on relationships, and how EFT Tapping for relationship issues can serve as a valuable tool for healing.

Emotional relationships are the heartbeat of one's life. They make you feel loved, understood, and that you belong somewhere.

In a world that often looks at success and what you can achieve on your own, emotional relationships remind you that being connected to others is valuable and makes your life better.

tapping for relationship issues

But sometimes these relationships can get complex and challenging. Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is a practical therapeutic technique that provides a unique approach to resolving emotional challenges and overcoming negative emotions within these relationships. Embracing love is a beautiful experience (1).

However, navigating a relationship can resemble navigating through a complex maze, where you may grapple with emotions leading to feelings of being unheard, undervalued, and disconnected.

Challenges and disagreements have the potential to strain a relationship, causing both parties to either drift apart because of their negative emotions or persistent bad experiences. But with EFT Tapping, you can look deeper to understand the root causes of relationship problems and maybe even find a way to solve them.


EFT Tapping offers a tangible solution for addressing relationship problems by targeting specific meridian points. This method aims to release emotional blockages, reduce stress, remove negative feelings, and develop healing, providing a grounded approach to emotional well-being.

On a deeper level, it helps you identify and explore the root cause of the issues rather than just working on the surface-level symptoms.

The Role of Attachment Styles in Relationships

EFT Tapping for Couples; EFT Tapping for relationship issues

Attachment styles are the frameworks that dictate how you connect and behave in your relationships. Developed early in life, these styles are based on your interactions with caregivers and continue to affect your relationships into adulthood.

There are four main types, each describing a unique pattern of dealing with closeness, emotional intimacy, and dependence on others. Understanding one's attachment style can offer profound insights into how they navigate their personal and emotional connections.


Secure Attachment

Individuals with a secure attachment style naturally form stable and trusting relationships.

EFT Tapping becomes a practical ally in enhancing these connections, developing emotional openness, and reinforcing trust between partners by giving them hope.

This attachment style is characterised by a strong sense of confidence in the availability and responsiveness of one's partner.

Individuals with a secure attachment feel comfortable both in emotional closeness and independence, creating a foundation of trust and security in their relationships. This also helps them get rid of painful feelings and come closer to their partner.

Securely attached individuals are inclined towards open and honest communication with their special someone. This transparency develops trust as both individuals feel secure and overcome their communication problems. This helps in expressing their thoughts and emotions without fear of judgement or rejection.

Trust in a secure attachment is reinforced by the reliability of support. Partners can depend on each other during times of need, knowing that they can lean on one another for emotional support and understanding. Nurturing trust involves being emotionally accessible to one another. Securely attached individuals feel comfortable sharing their vulnerabilities, creating an atmosphere where emotions are acknowledged and validated without hesitation. This helps the loving relationships nurture and deeply love your partner.


Ambivalent or Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment

Those with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style often grapple with fears of abandonment.

EFT Tapping offers a practical avenue to explore and ease these anxieties, providing individuals with tools to navigate emotional turbulence and develop a more secure sense of self.

Ambivalent or anxious-preoccupied attachment can bring about emotional turbulence within relationships, marked by a constant fear of abandonment and a heightened need for reassurance.

Individuals with this tapping point attachment style often experience heightened anxiety and may find it challenging to maintain a sense of security in their connections.

Easing emotional turbulence in such relationships involves addressing specific aspects associated with this attachment style. This helps them completely accept the right person and heal their negative emotions.

The first step in easing emotional turbulence is acknowledging and validating the emotions associated with anxious-preoccupied attachment with your partner. Creating a space where these feelings are recognised without judgement can lay the foundation for constructive communication. Establishing effective communication channels is crucial.

Partners with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style may benefit from clear and consistent communication, providing reassurance and addressing concerns promptly to alleviate emotional turbulence. Consistency is key in easing emotional turbulence.

Individuals with an anxious-preoccupied attachment may benefit from self-reflection to understand the root causes of their anxieties. Encouraging a process of self-awareness can empower them to manage their emotions more effectively.


Avoidant-Dismissive Attachment

Individuals with an avoidant-dismissive attachment style may struggle with emotional intimacy, creating distance in relationships. EFT Tapping becomes a bridge to address underlying fears, helping individuals overcome emotional avoidance and developing deeper connections.

Individuals with an avoidant-dismissive attachment style often struggle with emotional intimacy and may create emotional distance in relationships as a self-protective measure. 

Bridging this emotional gap involves specific strategies aimed at developing connections and helping both partners feel secure within the relationship.

To bridge the emotional distance, it's crucial to first understand the characteristics of avoidant-dismissive attachment. This attachment style often involves a reluctance to fully engage emotionally, a preference for independence, and discomfort with vulnerability. Partners can initiate open and non-confrontational conversations about their attachment styles.

Understanding each other's perspectives can pave the way for empathy and create a foundation for working together to bridge emotional distance. Building trust involves creating a safe emotional space where both partners feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgement.

This safe space encourages the avoidant-dismissive individual to gradually open up. Bridging emotional distance may involve a gradual sharing of emotions. Encourage them to express their feelings at a pace that feels comfortable for them.


Disorganised Attachment: Finding Stability Amidst Chaos

Disorganised attachment can introduce a sense of unpredictability and chaos into relationships.

Finding stability amidst this turbulence requires intentional efforts to understand and address the challenges associated with disorganised attachment. Here are strategies to develop a more stable and secure connection:

The first step in finding stability is educating both partners about disorganised attachment. Understanding the dynamics and potential triggers associated with this attachment style creates a foundation for empathy and collaboration. Creating a sense of stability involves establishing predictable routines within the relationship. 

Consistency in daily activities and communication helps individuals with disorganised attachments feel more secure and in control. Developing emotional regulation techniques is crucial for individuals with disorganised attachment. 

Encouraging practices of tapping to release anger such as mindfulness, deep breathing, or journaling can provide tools for managing intense emotions and promoting stability (2).

To learn more about EFT Tapping, get your free booklet now:

EFT TAPPING Steps to resolve Relationship Issues

EFT Tapping is a therapeutic approach that involves tapping on specific meridian points to alleviate emotional distress and promote overall well-being.

Here are the steps involved:

EFT for couple issues

Step 1:

First Use EFT Tapping to Gauge how Relationship Anxiety Feels Like

The initial step involves paying attention to the physical sensations in your body linked to relationship issues. The aim is to observe the changes in your thoughts and feelings when you engage in tapping, allowing you to delve deeper and uncover the underlying reasons for the problems in your relationships.


Take a quick temperature check

Identify and explore more about your current state of mind, how you are feeling emotionally as well as physically. Clearly define the relationship issue you want to address.

It could be communication challenges, trust issues, or unresolved emotions. Be specific about the feelings or thoughts causing distress and affecting you by asking the following questions:

  • What do they do that makes you feel like this?
  • What triggers it?
  • What has to happen for you to feel better?


Identify the physical sensations

Identify physical sensations that are associated with how you are feeling. You can explore by asking questions such as:

  • How are you feeling?
  • Where in the body are you experiencing this feeling?
  • What is the colour, texture, size, and shape of these feelings?

Measure the level of these feelings by asking: "On a scale of 1 to 10, what number is the depression at, where 10 is high and 1 is not high at all." 


Start tapping on the side of your hand (Karate Chop)

Tap on The Karate Chop using the tapping statement, for example:

“Even though I feel [mention the emotion] about [mention relationship issue], and I can feel it in my [body part], it’s at a number [__], [__]  in colour, and it makes me feel [_____], I deeply and completely love and accept myself.”

For example,

“Even though I feel unheard about our communication issues, and I can feel it in my neck, it’s at a number 8, red in colour, and it makes me feel very stressed, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.” (Repeat 3 times)


Tap on the facial and upper body EFT Tapping points

Use the identified phrases to tap on the facial, upper body, and finger EFT Tapping points:

  • Eyebrow: I am feeling …..
  • Temple: I feel it in my …..
  • Under eye: It is at a number …..
  • Under nose: It makes me feel …..
  • Chin: It is in my ….. at a number …..
  • Collarbone: It makes me feel …..
  • Under the arm: So …..
  • Thumb: So …..
  • Index finger: ......because …..
  • Middle finger: I feel it in my …..
  • Little finger: So …..


Close the sequence by tapping on the Karate Chop again

Close the sequence by coming back to the side of the happened tapping point and repeating the setup statement once again:

“Even though I feel [mention the emotion] about [mention relationship issue], and I can feel it in my [body part], it’s at a number [__], [__]  in colour, and it makes me feel [_____], I deeply and completely love and accept myself.”


Breathe and relax

Take a gentle breath in and out, and have a sip of water.


Test yourself

Test the intensity of these feelings. Ask yourself the following questions:

  • What number is the issue at now?
  • What changed after you did the tapping?
  • How does it make you feel now?

If you are at a level where you feel that you’re happy, you can stop and close with positive tapping. If you feel it can go down further, tap a few more rounds.

Step 2:

Identify Previous Moments of Stress in Relationships and Resolve Them

Focus on particular past incidents or memories that might have led to issues within your relationships. Consider asking questions such as:

  • When have you felt stressed in your relationships before?

  • What does this stress remind you of?

  • When do you feel most at ease in your relationships?

  • What can trigger and cause feelings of stress in your relationships?

Step 3:

Challenge and Transform Any Limiting Beliefs That Hinder Your Relationship

A common limiting belief in relationships is the deep-seated idea that you think you are not good enough for your partner.

Reflect on the limiting beliefs you might hold about your worth or capabilities in relationships. Then, reframe these beliefs from negative to positive. For example,

  • "I'm not good enough for anyone." to "I am worthy of love and capable of giving love."
  • "I always mess up relationships." to "I am learning from my past and improving my relationships every day."
  • "I can't make my partner happy." to "I contribute positively to my partner's happiness and our mutual growth."

Step 4:

Conclude with Positive Affirmations in Tapping

Finish the session by tapping with positive affirmations tailored to your relationship issues, such as,

“Even though I feel unheard about our communication issues and it makes me feel very stressed sometimes, I choose to stay calm and communicate openly and honestly with my partner instead. I deeply and completely love and accept myself."

Repeat affirmations that specifically address your immediate concerns.

In this final step, imagine a future where your relationship challenges are managed effectively. Observe the positive shifts and use this imagery to inspire a change in your current perspective, developing healthier and more fulfilling connections.

"The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands."


Tapping Into Emotional Resilience

EFT Tapping for relationships

Regardless of attachment style, EFT Tapping serves as a practical tool for building emotional resilience.

By addressing and releasing pent-up emotions, individuals can break free from negative patterns, developing self-awareness and ultimately enhancing the quality of their relationships.

Regardless of attachment style, EFT Tapping serves as a practical tool for building emotional resilience. By addressing and releasing pent-up emotions, individuals can break free from negative patterns, developing self-awareness and ultimately enhancing the quality of their relationships.

Recognising and tackling areas of discomfort can set the stage for a more profound connection. Whether employing straightforward strategies or delving into a transformative method like EFT, the essential factor is acknowledging and addressing the emotional needs of both partners. It's crucial to bear in mind that each relationship is distinct, yet the pursuit of comprehension and connection is a shared human experience.

When it comes to couples therapy, the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) stands out as a potent approach for strengthening relationships due to its focus on emotions. Understanding EFT Tapping statements promotes emotional healing and builds lasting resilience.

Whether you're seeking assistance for your relationship or you're a therapist broadening your expertise, EFT has the potential to bring about significant positive changes.


Relationships are pure emotions and healing connections within relationships requires a practical and emotionally attuned approach. EFT Tapping for relationship issues emerges as a valuable tool in this journey, providing individuals with the means to address emotional challenges and strengthen their bonds. 

Through its focus on emotional bonds, enhanced communication, and enduring transformation, EFT holds the power to revolutionise relationships, introducing heightened happiness and satisfaction into your lives.

Should you be contemplating the investment of couples therapy, the realm of EFT Tapping therapy for relationships presents a path worth exploring—it could be the pivotal element to unlock a more profound and affectionate connection with your partner, showcasing its effectiveness in emotionally focused strategies.

Because you deserve the love and fulfillment that a thriving relationship can bring.


Dr. Rangana Rupavi Choudhuri (PhD)

Want to practice EFT? Connect with me at Vitality Living and my team will help you understand the concept.

In summary, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is a methodical approach grounded in attachment theory, aimed at fortifying connections and reinforcing emotional ties. Supported by research, EFT Tapping identifies detrimental interaction patterns, facilitates the cultivation of open communication, attends to unmet attachment needs, and encourages healthier interactions, ultimately leading to more profound emotional engagement. Whether your goal is to enhance your relationships or broaden your therapeutic skills, EFT provides a valuable tool to unlock more meaningful and affectionate connections.