Heartbreak? 4 steps to heal

“Of course! It takes a lot of strength to mend a broken heart. Channelizing energies into your work helps, but also to be able to accept situations for what they are instead of questioning them helps immensely.” Deepika Padukone

Has your heart ever been broken?

Possibly, as a result of a breakup with your partner, or even a separation or divorce from your spouse?

Heartbreak can also result from hurtful communications between siblings, friends and colleagues and not just an affair ending.


Sometimes it is very natural for the relationship to end.

Have you ever wondered though as why there is so much pain after a break up?

Studies have shown that a relationship breakup activates the same brain regions that process physical pain (1).

In fact, emotional pain can even manifest into a physical pain.


Here are also some physiological changes that may happen to your body as a result of a breakup (2).

  • Your brain registers real feelings of pain.
  • Your body over produces adrenalin and cortisol which can lead to swelling and even a heart that beats faster than normal.
  • Your skin is more prone to breakouts
  • Your hair falls out. In fact I remember this incident that happened to my best friend. She and her boyfriend broke up after 2 long years of a serious relationship. The result – she slipped into serious depression and even lost all her hair in the bargain.
  • Your heart temporarily enlarges leading to severe or short term heart muscle failure.

And these are just a few of the symptoms.


While it may seem serious, healing a heartbreak can just be like healing a burn or a wound.

If taken care of, nourished and treated with the right tools, the road to healing and transformation can be a smooth one.


4 Steps to heal a broken heart.

Here are 4 steps that Dr Rangana Rupavi Choudhuri (PhD) has specially put together, so that you can use them effectively to heal a broken heart:

1. Let out the pain of what happened – Be truthful and honest.

What helps most is to let out the pain of what happened completely, being truthful and honest about what happened and what hurt the most.

The Tantrum Tapping process is really helpful to let the pain, shame, betrayal, anger, frustration and heart-break out. Complete the procedure as often as you can.


2. Acceptance of where things are

Once the pain is completely emptied out, acceptance comes naturally. It is organic and part of the process. I love these healing tapping statements using Emotional Freedom Techniques.

“Even though, I feel hurt and upset, I am open to the possibility of accepting what happened anyway”

“Even though I am hurting on the inside, I am open to the possibility of accepting my situation.”

At times there may be a single ray of hope that you can get back together, that may very well be the reason for not looking towards the future and finding a new life.

While getting back together may be a possibility, real healing happens when there is an acceptance of the situation as it is, and for what the situation is.


3. Deciding what you want and focus on that

This is perhaps one of the most important steps, yet it may seem a little difficult to do.

It is really important to now decide where to shift your focus.

  • Do you want a better and more nourishing relationship?
  • Do you want to work on your personal self and building a relationship with yourself?
  • Do you want to now focus on your health, family, career, finances, spirituality?

Whatever the choice, you have to make it and then focus all your energy on that.

I feel the best place to start, though after heart-break is to focus on self and build a relationship with yourself first.

Once there is self-love, then only a relationship that matches your energy can freely flow into your life.


4. Self-forgiveness and forgiving the other

It’s now time to get closure.

Whatever the situation and wherever the heartbreak is from, whether its your friend, family member, romantic partner, sibling or even your boss, take time out to forgive yourself and the other person.

Even though the behaviours of the other person, may be completely unforgivable, yet find it in your heart to forgive their soul. Forgive the being of that person.

Most importantly forgive yourself! So that you may move on and towards what you want to manifest in your life.

Un-forgivenes is not only linked to Cancer, it also keeps you stuck in the past and not present in the present. More steps on how to forgive can be found in this article.


In conclusion, there may be a million reasons for a heartbreak, it is important to remember that healing is possible. This healing can also pave the way for more nourishing relationships and even a much happier life.


Donita & Team Vitality


  1. Why do relationship break ups hurt so much? – The Guardian, Published February 2016. Extract from Idiot Brain by Author and Neuroscientist Dean Burnett.
  2. 7 surprising ways your body reacts to a breakup – Elle,  by Natalie Matthews, December 10th 2014


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