Heartbreak? 4 Steps To Heal

Healing From Heartbreak

In this article, you'll be enlighten about the pain and consequences of a heartbreak, and how a broken heart can be effectively healed through Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT).

Heartbreak. I didn’t take a name, I didn’t share anything, just one word. But I wonder how many memories came back rushing to your mind reading that word.

Isn’t it true? It’s all just a suppressed, piled up mess; we had buried deep inside ourselves, and thought that we moved on. Well, maybe you’ve really moved on; but maybe, you haven’t.

Has your heart ever been broken?

Possibly, as a result of a breakup with your partner, or even separation or divorce from your spouse?

It’s hard to deal with heartbreaks, really hard. Sometimes, it even feels like it’s just impossible and you’ve to live with the pain the rest of your life.

That teenage crush, that high school partner, that college live-in, maybe your ex-spouse, hurtful communications between siblings or friends, an affair ending or simply just your dreams shattering to pieces.

Although it might seem nearly impossible to deal with all of this, it’s not. It all depends on how you decide to react to it.

Just be true to yourself, you know.

“Of course! It takes a lot of strength to mend a broken heart. Channelizing energies into your work helps, but also to be able to accept situations for what they are instead of questioning them helps immensely.”

- deepika padukone


Heartbreak is a regrettable but all-too-common element of the human experience, and it stings. We've all been there, and it's safe to say that we all wish to prevent heartbreak in the future.

When we lose someone or something we care deeply about, such as a romantic relationship or a friendship, a family member, a pet, or a career or opportunity that was very important to us, we feel heartbroken.

Heartbreak may be extremely stressful, especially if the loss is unexpected. Stress can have an emotional and physical impact on us, and it can take weeks, months, or even years to recover from.

Sometimes it is very natural for the relationship to end.

Have you ever wondered though, why there is so much pain after a breakup?

According to studies, your brain detects emotional pain in the same way it registers physical pain, which is why you may believe your sadness is causing physical pain and anguish (1). The language we use to describe heartbreak hints to how we equate physical pain with emotional suffering – "I feel like my heart's been ripped out," "it was gut wrenching," "like a slap in the face."

In fact, emotional pain can even manifest into physical pain.


It's normal to be sad about the end of a relationship as you begin to heal. However, this does not imply that every emotion you experience is normal. There are both healthy and bad heartbreak symptoms.

The following are some healthy heartbreak symptoms:

  • anger and frustration
  • crying and sadness
  • fear
  • insomnia
  • loss of interest in activities

These signs and symptoms are inconvenient. However, if you're having a typical reaction to the heartbreak, your emotional state will gradually improve as you adjust to life without your partner. Be patient because the length of time it takes to mend differs from person to person.

While it's natural to experience sadness and agony after a heartbreak, you should see a doctor if your symptoms don't lessen or worsen after a few weeks.

The following are some unhealthy heartbreak symptoms:

  • feeling gloomy, empty, or hopeless for the majority of the day
  • a lack of interest in previously appreciated activity
  • weight loss and appetite decrease, or appetite rise and weight gain
  • excessive or insufficient sleep 
  • an increase in movements such as pacing or hand wringing, or speech and movement that is much slower
  • feeling worthless
  • suicidal ideation is the term for thoughts about death.


It can feel like the end of the world when your heart is broken. No amount of pain or concentration has ever felt so intense. It's as if a huge hole has been punched into your chest, with no way of filling it.

Nothing seems to ease your sadness or soothe the need you feel, no matter how much you cry, shout, or watch Netflix until you've seen every documentary your Netflix subscription has to offer.

  • Physical pain: According to recent study, heartbreak can induce mental as well as physical discomfort. This is due to the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems firing at the same time.
  • Withdrawal symptoms: Individuals may undergo a change in mental state following a heartbreak, similar to drug addicts in recovery. Obsessive thinking and accompanying brain fog are possible side effects. Though it may seem self-evident, research have shown that heartbreak can lead to depression. When a heartbreak and subsequent withdrawal impacts an individual's capacity to function in daily life, seeking treatment from a therapist is recommended. 

Here are also some physiological changes that may happen to your body as a result of a heartbreak (2).

  • Your brain registers real feelings of pain.
  • Your body overproduces adrenaline and cortisol which can lead to swelling and even a heart that beats faster than normal.
  • Your skin is more prone to breakouts.
  • Your hair falls out. In fact, I remember this incident that happened to my best friend. She and her boyfriend broke up after 2 long years of a serious relationship. The result - she slipped into a serious depression and even lost all her hair in the bargain.
  • Your heart temporarily enlarges leading to severe or short term heart muscle failure.

When we think of a wounded heart, we typically don't associate it with physical problems, but rather with psychological issues. However, the mental pain of heartbreak can lead to a serious condition called Broken Heart Syndrome. The name of this syndrome says it all.

Broken Heart Syndrome is a significant medical disorder that damages the patient's physical health, particularly his or her heart. Patients with this syndrome frequently have chest pain and breathing problems as a result of shock and stress. It's like to having a heart attack. However, it is distinguished by the absence of a blocked artery in the heart, as opposed to the presence of one in a heart attack. Broken Heart Syndrome, on the other hand, feels just like a heart attack to the average person.

So, what's the source of this syndrome? It's all about the pain and anguish. Extreme emotional stress and hurt, such as the loss of a loved one or a breakup, can trigger Broken Heart Syndrome.

A sudden, acute chest discomfort can be induced by an emotionally stressful incident, and women are more prone than men to experience it. Divorce, breakup, or physical separation, treachery, or romantic rejection, or anything else that causes heartbreak are some of the other factors.

So, what can we do to avoid this? Although there is no cure for Broken Heart Syndrome, mastering stress management, problem-solving, and relaxation strategies can assist both psychological and physical health. It's critical to avoid bad heartbreak-management habits like drinking, illegal drug usage, or smoking, as well as overeating (3).

  • Stage 1: Denial

When things happen too quickly, it's difficult to realise they're actually happening. We don't do well with unexpected rejections, so we prefer to imagine that the unpleasant things never happened. We try to deceive ourselves to make ourselves feel better.

  • Stage 2: Anger

When lying to ourselves no longer works, we get enraged by what has occurred. Why did it have to happen to me? Why does s/he have to abandon me like this? Why is life so unjust? Others are to fault. The world is to blame. We despise the notion that we are the ones who have lost something.

  • Stage 3: Blaming yourself

After that, we start blaming ourselves. Is there something I did wrong that caused this to happen to me? I really should have done a better job. I could have done a lot more. It's entirely my fault. Rather than blaming others, we begin to despise ourselves for being who we are and for having botched things up.

  • Stage 4: Bargaining

We are still unable to accept what has occurred up to this point. We're willing to go to any length to change the outcome. We desire to go back in time and change the events of our lives. We'd want to see a more satisfying conclusion. We'll do everything it takes to get the relationship or friendship back if there's anything we can do.

  • Stage 5: Depressed

After experiencing so many bad emotions, we've reached a point when we feel helpless and exhausted. We don't want to take any action. We just want to go somewhere quiet and mourn and rest. We are too depressed to act. Our hearts are breaking with grief. Our hearts continue to ache.

  • Stage 6: Acceptance

After all of the emotional ups and downs, as well as the difficult times, we've now begun to accept the fact. We've started to maintain our composure. We gradually notice that we aren't crying as much as we used to. We're still sad, but we don't think about it as much as we used to (4).

Reaching stage 6 of heartbreak is a significant milestone since you've fully accepted your emotions and accepted yourself as a vulnerable individual. However, this is only the beginning of getting your life back on track.

You're ready to work on true healing now that you've gone through the six stages of heartbreak.

"The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it"


American Novelist

While it may seem serious, healing a heartbreak can just be like healing a burn or a wound.

If taken care of, nourished and treated with the right tools, the road to healing and transformation can be a smooth one.


Here are 4 steps that Dr. Rangana Rupavi Choudhuri (Ph.D.) has specially put together, so that you can use them effectively to heal a broken heart.


 Let out the pain of what happened - Be truthful and honest.

What helps most is to let out the pain of what happened completely, being truthful and honest about what happened and what hurt the most.

The Tantrum Tapping process is really helpful to let the pain, shame, betrayal, anger, frustration and heart-break out. Complete the procedure as often as you can.


Acceptance of where things are

Once the pain is completely emptied out, acceptance comes naturally. It is organic and part of the process. I love these healing tapping statements using Emotional Freedom Techniques.

"Even though, I feel hurt and upset, I am open to the possibility of accepting what happened anyway."

"Even though I am hurting on the inside, I am open to the possibility of accepting my situation."

At times there may be a single ray of hope that you can get back together, that may very well be the reason for not looking towards the future and finding a new life.

While getting back together may be a possibility, real healing happens when there is an acceptance of the situation as it is, and for what the situation is.

The good news is through, you can reverse the negative effects of past heartbreak, even years later, with clinically proven therapeutic techniques like Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT). 

New to EFT? Learn how Emotional Freedom Technique Tapping heals.

Emotional Freedom Techniques (tapping) is clinically proven to lower stress, tension, anxiety, past-trauma to enable health, happiness and vitality.


Decide what you want and focus on that

This is perhaps one of the most important steps, yet it may seems a little difficult to do.

It is really important to now decide where to shift your focus.

  • Do you want a better and more nourishing relationship?
  • Do you want to work on your personal self and building a relationship with yourself?
  • Do you want to now focus on your health, family, career, finances, spirituality, etc.?

Whatever the choice, you have to make it and then focus all your energy on that.

I feel the best place to start, though after heart-break is to focus on self and build a relationship with yourself first.

Once there is self-love, then only a relationship that matches your energy can freely flow into your life.


Self-forgiveness and forgiving the other

It's now time to get closure.

Whatever the situation and wherever the heartbreak is from, whether it's your friend, family member, romantic partner, sibling or even your boss, take time out to forgive yourself and the other person.

Even though the behaviors of the other person, may be completely unforgivable, yet find it in your heart to forgive their soul. Forgive the being of that person.

Most importantly forgive yourself! So that you may move on and towards what you want to manifest in your life.

Un-forgiveness is not only linked to Cancer, it also keeps you stuck in the past and not in the present. More steps on how to forgive can be found in this article.

When it comes down to it, the only thing that can truly heal a broken heart is... time. There's no ignoring the pain until you've gained some distance from your loss.

To aid your heart's recovery, keep fundamental thoughts in mind: honesty about your experience and emotions, compassion for yourself, social support, and self-care. After a while, you'll begin to feel more like yourself.

In conclusion, there may be a million reasons for heartbreak, it is important to remember that healing is possible. This healing can also pave the way for more nourishing relationships and even a much happier life.


Donita & Team Vitality

P.S. Want to discover if EFT Tapping is right for you? Book a Complimentary Discovery Call. 

How To Self-Heal & Become An EFT Practitioner

Discover how EFT Tapping can help you to self-heal or to become professionally qualified as a Certified EFT Practitioner. Emotional Freedom Techniques (Tapping) is clinically proven to lower stress, tension, anxiety, past trauma to enable health, happiness and vitality.

In summary, heartbreak is one of those things that you can't fully know or appreciate until you've experienced it. Your heart can be crushed in a variety of ways. It doesn't always have to be in an intimate relationship. Whether you are working with clients or seeking to overcome heartbreaks, you can do so with EFT Tapping.  Emotional Freedom Techniques is one of the clinically proven technique can heal heartbreaks leaving you and your clients feeling calmer and at peace. 


  1. Why do relationship break ups hurt so much? – The Guardian, Published February 2016. Extract from Idiot Brain by Author and Neuroscientist Dean Burnett.
  2. 7 surprising ways your body reacts to a breakup – Elle,  by Natalie Matthews, December 10th 2014
  3. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/broken-heart-syndrome/symptoms-causes/syc-20354617 
  4. https://www.healthline.com/health/stages-of-grief#7-stages 

Disclaimer: The information on this website is purely for educational purposes and does not in any way replace the requirement for medical and psychological diagnosis and treatment. Please do seek professional medical and psychological diagnosis and advice for all medical and mental health conditions. It is advised to always book any consultations with qualified professionals.

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