Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: Using EFT Tapping to Find Your Inner Strength
In this blog, you will learn how EFT Tapping for Narcissism can help you break free from the pain of narcissistic abuse. Whether you’re dealing with a narcissist in your life or struggling with narcissistic traits yourself, this guide offers compassionate insights, practical tips, and techniques for healing and reclaiming your happiness.
What is Narcissism | Types of Narcissism | Signs and symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder | Complications | Impacts of Narcissism | Treatment plan | EFT Tapping technique for Narcissism | Benefits of EFT Tapping | EFT Tapping steps to heal from Narcissistic Abuse | Case Studies | Book a Complimentary Discovery Call
Have you ever been in a relationship that felt more like a chaotic ride than a safe and supportive partnership?
One moment you're soaring high, basking in affection and admiration, and the next, you're left doubting your self-worth, feeling emotionally drained and confused.
If this strikes a chord, you are likely to have experienced narcissistic behaviour. Whether from someone you care about or, perhaps, from patterns you've unconsciously adopted yourself.
Narcissism can leave invisible wounds that are deep and difficult to heal. It can leave you feeling trapped in a loop of confusion and pain, not knowing how to escape.
But what if I told you that there’s a way to start releasing those emotional chains?
Emotional Freedom Techniques, or EFT Tapping for narcissism, can be a gentle, transformative tool that will help you let go of the heavy emotional baggage linked to narcissism.
It offers a pathway to healing, allowing you to rediscover your self-worth, reclaim your freedom, and bring back joy into your life.
What is Narcissism?
Narcissism is a complex personality trait that can deeply affect relationships. People with narcissistic tendencies often crave admiration and validation, but they may also struggle with insecurities.
This creates a trend of manipulation and emotional upheaval for those involved. Understanding this dynamic is the first step toward healing (1).
In psychology, narcissism is defined as a personality trait characterised by a grandiose sense of self-importance, a constant need for admiration, exploitation of others, and a lack of empathy for others.
It involves an excessive preoccupation with oneself, one's appearance, achievements, and success, often at the expense of relationships and the well-being of others.
Everyone has some narcissistic traits (confidence, desire for admiration). However, Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NDP) is a more severe and enduring pattern of these traits. It significantly affects relationships, work, and overall well-being.
Narcissistic traits are common, but NPD is a clinical diagnosis.
The Narcissism Continuum
This is like a scale that shows different levels of self-centeredness. On one end, there’s healthy narcissism, which is when you have a good sense of self-esteem and confidence without harming others. In the middle, people may show some narcissistic traits, which vary in how strong or harmful they are. On the far end is clinical narcissism, where the most severe narcissistic behaviours affect many parts of a person’s life.
Clinical narcissism is when someone uses unhealthy ways to protect their self-image, often acting in ways that put their own needs above everyone else’s. According to Phillips, these people often show traits like controlling others, (authoritarianism), being envious, feeling superior, being shallow, lacking empathy, and not feeling guilty for their actions.
For example, in a job interview, a person with these traits might criticise their past bosses, exaggerate their skills, claim credit for others’ work, or make promises they can’t keep, all to boost their image without thinking about the consequences.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) Prevalence: A Global and Clinical Perspective
For narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), lifetime rates are estimated at 1% in the general global population, but between 2% and 16% in the clinical population (2).
Types of Narcissism
Understanding these types can help you steer relationships and protect yourself from harm. Here's a closer look at the different forms of narcissism and how they show up.
1.
Grandiose or Overt Narcissism
Characterised by arrogance, a craving for admiration, and a belief in one’s superiority.
2.
Vulnerable or Covert Narcissism
Involves insecurity, sensitivity, and passive-aggressive behaviours masked by a fragile self-esteem.
3.
Antagonistic Narcissism
Exhibits aggression and hostility, enjoying conflict and putting others down.
4.
Communal Narcissism
Seeks admiration through self-perceived altruism and moral superiority, often exaggerating their involvement in social causes.
5.
Malignant Narcissism
The most dangerous form, combining narcissism with antisocial behaviours like manipulation, deceit, and aggression.
Signs and Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
Following are the signs and symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD):
- A grandiose sense of self-importance.
- Constant preoccupation with success, power, or beauty.
- Entitlement and expectation of special treatment.
- Exploitative behaviour, using others for personal gain.
- Lack of empathy for others.
- Arrogance and superiority.
- Need for constant admiration and praise.
- Envy of others or belief that others are envious of them.
Causes Of Narcissism
The exact causes of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) aren’t fully known, but experts believe several factors may contribute (3).
One reason could be learning behaviours. Children often mimic what they see, and if they grow up around narcissistic traits, they may adopt those behaviours.
Negative childhood experiences like trauma, neglect, or rejection can also play a role. When children don’t get the emotional support they need, they may develop narcissistic traits as a way to protect themselves.
Parenting styles matter, too. Overindulging or being overly protective may lead children to expect the same special treatment from others and struggle to handle disappointment when things don’t go their way.
Lastly, culture can influence narcissism. People raised in cultures that prioritise personal achievement and independence seem to be at higher risk of developing NPD compared to those raised in cultures that value community and cooperation.
What are the complications associated with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NDP)?
Following are the complications associated with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD):
1.
Strained Relationships
Difficulty forming close, healthy connections due to lack of empathy and focus on personal needs.
2.
Higher Risk of Suicidal Thoughts
Feelings of inadequacy and low self-worth can lead to emotional pain and distress.
3.
Co-Occurring Mental Health Issues
Narcissistic Personality Disorder often exists alongside other conditions like depression, anxiety, and personality disorders.
4.
Work and Academic Challenges
Struggles with criticism and constant need for admiration can cause conflicts, poor performance, and job instability.
5.
Substance Misuse
Some may turn to drugs or alcohol to cope with emotional pain or maintain a sense of superiority, leading to addiction.
What are the POSSIBLE triggers of narcissistic behaviour?
Narcissistic behaviour can be triggered by a few main factors:
- They often react strongly when they feel their superiority is threatened or when they don't get enough attention and admiration. If someone outshines them or they feel ignored, they may become upset.
- They can also get defensive if their grandiose fantasies about success or abilities are challenged or if their weaknesses are exposed. Losing the attention and validation they crave can make them feel empty and desperate, leading to aggressive behaviour.
- Jealousy of others' achievements and challenges to their authority can also cause them to react negatively as they try to maintain control.
Impacts of Narcissism
Narcissism can create a ripple effect, not just on the person who shows these traits but also on the people around them.
1.
Interpersonal Relationships
People with narcissistic traits often find it hard to have healthy relationships. They focus more on their own needs than on how others feel, which leads to shallow connections. They might be friendly only when it benefits them or boosts their self-esteem. They often argue with others because they see themselves as more important, especially if their wishes aren’t met.
2.
Work and Academic Performance
At work or school, narcissistic individuals may struggle to work well with others. They tend to take over conversations and ignore what others think. While they might seem confident initially, their way of leading often lacks care for the team, which can hurt group efforts. If they don’t reach their high goals, they can feel frustrated, or they may push themselves to succeed just to get praise and attention.
3.
Emotional Well-Being
Even though they come across as confident, narcissists have fragile self-esteem. They are sensitive to criticism and can feel anxious and stressed easily. When things don’t go their way, they might react with anger or try to avoid facing their problems.
This can make them feel lonely because they struggle to build real connections, resulting in relationships that feel more like transactions than true friendships.
4.
Mental Health
Narcissistic individuals often deal with other mental health challenges, like depression or anxiety. It can be tough to treat narcissistic personality disorder because they usually don’t want to admit they have issues. This makes it hard for them to seek help.
5.
Impact on Loved Ones
Being around someone with narcissistic traits can be emotionally draining. They might manipulate others to get what they want, causing pain and distress. Interacting with them often feels exhausting because they constantly seek attention and validation. Their relationships can be confusing, as they tend to swing between putting someone on a pedestal and then pushing them away.
Understanding Gaslighting: A Tool of Narcissistic Abuse and Its Effects
Gaslighting is a harmful tactic used by narcissists to manipulate and control others, making victims doubt their reality. By denying their actions, avoiding blame, and making victims feel insecure, narcissists maintain power in the relationship. Common gaslighting behaviours include denying things they said, downplaying the victim's feelings, shifting blame, and presenting a twisted version of events.
The effects of gaslighting on victims can be intense. They often feel confused and insecure, questioning their judgment and second-guessing themselves. This can lead to increased anxiety and depression, as well as feelings of isolation, as the narcissist may undermine the victim’s relationships with friends and family.
Overall, gaslighting can severely impact a victim’s mental and emotional well-being, highlighting the importance of seeking support and prioritising self-care to heal from such experiences.
Common Emotional Themes Experienced by Victims of Narcissistic Abuse
Victims of narcissistic abuse often feel a mix of difficult emotions. They may feel confused about why they are being treated poorly and doubt their own worth.
Anxiety about future interactions can lead to constant worry, while shame and guilt make them feel embarrassed and responsible for the abuser's actions. Isolation from friends and family adds to their loneliness, and fear of the abuser’s reactions can make them feel helpless.
Anger and sadness arise from the hurtful situation, alongside feelings of betrayal and conflicted loyalty. They may also become hypervigilant, always on edge, and struggle with depression and grief over the loss of what they hoped the relationship could be.
Treatment Plan: Therapies to Deal with Narcissistic Abuse
Following are some effective therapies for narcissistic abuse:
1.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
It helps people reframe negative thoughts and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
2.
Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR)
Often used for trauma recovery, this therapy can help process and release painful memories of narcissistic abuse.
3.
Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT)
This focuses on teaching emotional regulation, distress tolerance, and interpersonal effectiveness to cope with the intense emotions caused by narcissistic abuse.
4.
Narrative Therapy
It helps victims of narcissistic abuse reframe their story, allowing them to reclaim their power by viewing the abuse from a new perspective.
5.
Somatic Therapy
It focuses on releasing trauma stored in the body, helping victims process their emotions and physical sensations associated with abuse.
6.
Support Groups
Group therapy or support groups offer a safe space to share experiences, gain support, and connect with others who understand the impact of narcissistic abuse.
7.
Mindfulness-Based Therapies
Techniques like mindfulness and meditation can help survivors become more aware of their thoughts and emotions, reducing feelings of anxiety and depression.
8.
Psychotherapy
It helps to learn to relate better with others, so the relationships are closer, more enjoyable, and more rewarding. Understanding the causes of your emotions and what drives you to compete, to distrust others, and to dislike others and possibly yourself.
How a therapy known as Emotional Freedom Techniques can help overcome and heal from Narcissistic Abuse?
Emotional Freedom Techniques, also known as EFT Tapping, help with both emotional and physical healing associated with narcissistic abuse. It reduces stress, anxiety, and depression by improving energy flow in the body. This can also lower cortisol, a stress hormone, which may help with weight loss.
EFT Tapping is useful for calming PTSD symptoms like panic attacks and nightmares, but in severe cases, a trained practitioner may be needed. It can also ease physical pain caused by narcissistic abuse and help heal childhood wounds, which can lead to better self-esteem. Overall, it provides a way to heal and regain personal strength after going through narcissistic abuse.
The Benefits of EFT Tapping for Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse
Following are the five ways EFT Tapping can help victims of narcissistic abuse:
1.
Acknowledge Powerlessness
EFT can assist people in accepting that they cannot change the abusive behaviour of narcissists. By tapping on feelings of powerlessness, they can start to let go of the emotional weight of gaslighting.
2.
Express Feelings
EFT Tapping encourages individuals to express their emotions and set boundaries. By addressing fears about expressing themselves, they can communicate more confidently.
3.
Release Self-blame
Many victims of gaslighting struggle with guilt and shame. Tapping can help them release these feelings, allowing them to regain self-worth and overcome self-doubt.
4.
Establish Boundaries
EFT Tapping can empower victims to set and enforce healthy boundaries. By tapping on fears related to boundaries, they can feel more secure in asserting themselves.
5.
Boost Self-Worth
EFT helps people confront feelings of unworthiness. By working through these emotions, they can rebuild their self-esteem and recognise their value.
Steps for Using EFT Tapping to Heal Emotional Hurt from Narcissistic Abuse
EFT Tapping can be a powerful tool for releasing the deep emotional hurt caused by narcissistic abuse. It helps you process those feelings of hurt, betrayal, and confusion, allowing you to heal and attain peace. Below is a sample EFT Tapping procedure for overcoming hurt caused by conceited behaviour:
Note: I have used a theme of emotional hurt. This process can also be applied to any memories or other emotions that surface as you work through the hurt caused by narcissistic abuse.
Step 1:
Take A Quick Temperature Check
Identify and explore what triggers your hurt by asking yourself these reflective questions:
- What actions or words made me feel hurt by their narcissistic behaviour?
- Who made me feel this way?
- How did their behaviour make me question my own worth?
- What makes me feel vulnerable to their behaviour?
- Do I often avoid confronting the hurt caused by their actions?
Step 2:
Identify the Physical Sensations
Explore the physical sensations linked to the hurt caused by narcissistic abuse. Explore it by asking:
- Where in my body do I feel this emotional hurt?
- What does this hurt feel like its texture, colour, or shape?
- Does this pain remind me of any other experiences in my past?
- On a scale of 1 to 10, where 10 is overwhelming and 1 is minimal, how intense is the hurt?
Step 3:
Start Tapping on the Side of Your Hand (Karate Chop)
Begin tapping on the Karate Chop point, using a setup statement such as:
"Even though I feel hurt because of their narcissistic behaviour, and I feel it in my ____ at a number ____, I deeply and completely love and accept myself."
(Repeat this three times.)
Step 4:
Tap on the Facial and Upper Body EFT Tapping Points
Now, tap on the facial and upper body EFT Tapping points while saying phrases connected to the hurt you feel. For example:
- Eyebrow: I feel so hurt by their selfish behaviour.
- Side of the Eye: I feel this pain deep in my ____.
- Under the Eye: The hurt is sitting at a number ____.
- Under the Nose: It makes me feel small and unworthy.
- Chin: I carry this hurt in my ____ at a number ____.
- Collarbone: Their actions made me question my value.
- Under the Arm: All of this hurts because they only think of themselves.
- Thumb: They made me feel like I don’t matter.
- Index Finger: I feel abandoned and unimportant.
- Middle Finger: I can’t believe how much their behaviour hurts me.
- Little Finger: All of this hurt, and I don’t know how to let it go.
Step 5:
Complete the Sequence by Tapping on the Side of Your Hand Again
Return to the Karate Chop point to complete the sequence, using the setup statement once more:
"Even though I feel hurt by their narcissistic behaviour, and I feel it in my ____ at a number ____, I deeply and completely love and accept myself."
Step 6:
Breathe and Relax
Take a deep breath in and gently exhale. Sip some water to help release any remaining tension and allow your body to relax.
Step 7:
Test Yourself
Finally, test the intensity of the hurt by asking yourself the following:
- What number is my hurt at now?
- What has shifted in how I feel?
- How do I feel about their narcissistic behaviour now?
If the level of emotional hurt has reduced to a comfortable number, you can stop. If it still feels intense, repeat the sequence to continue releasing the pain.
Case Studies Supporting Efficacy of EFT Tapping in Breaking Free From The Symptoms Of Narcissism
Researchers conducted a meta-analysis of studies on EFT for depression, covering the period from 2005 to 2015. The objective was to evaluate how effective EFT is in reducing depressive symptoms. Depressive symptoms were measured through different psychometric tools. The findings indicated that Clinical EFT effectively reduced these symptoms across various groups and environments. It was also noted that EFT showed stronger treatment effects compared to both antidepressant drug trials and psychotherapy studies (4).
A client sought help to overcome the effects of gaslighting in a past relationship. Through EFT, the client tackled various gaslighting scenarios, including dismissive remarks about her sensitivity and worth. Delving deeper, she uncovered underlying issues of low self-esteem stemming from childhood neglect.
With EFT, the client experienced profound shifts in self-perception and emotional resilience. Gaining newfound self-love and confidence, she was empowered to release the grip of gaslighting, set boundaries, and pursue her dreams with conviction. As a testament to her progress, the client not only doubled her client list shortly after therapy but also joyously shared news of her engagement (5).
The objective of this study was to evaluate the effectiveness of clinical Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) in treating Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). The methodology involved testing the approach in over 100 clinical trials involving diverse groups, and researchers looked at how well EFT worked compared to medications and traditional therapy.
The results of the study showed that EFT effectively treated PTSD within 4 to 10 sessions, with benefits that persisted over time. It also improved both mental and physical health, including anxiety and depression symptoms, with a low risk of negative side effects. Furthermore, the study found that EFT was low-cost effective, and adaptable to online and telemedicine platforms, making it accessible to a wider audience (6).
Healing from narcissistic abuse is challenging, but with Emotional Freedom Techniques, you can release deep-seated emotions and rebuild your self-worth. EFT helps break the cycle of manipulation, allowing you to regain control over your emotions and set healthy boundaries.
Though healing takes time, EFT Tapping provides a path to self-compassion, helping you to live happily and move toward a more balanced, fulfilling life.
Love,
Dr Rangana Rupavi Choudhuri (PhD)
P.S. Want to learn EFT Tapping for Narcissism for yourself and your clients? Book a Complimentary Discovery Call with me now!
In summary, Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) help people heal from the emotional damage caused by narcissism, whether experienced in relationships or within oneself. EFT Tapping is a powerful technique to explore narcissism’s impact on relationships and well-being. By addressing key emotions like guilt and powerlessness, it helps restore emotional balance and lead a happy life.
References:
- https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21430487/
- https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK556001/
- https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/neuroscience/narcissism#:~:text=Epidemiology,United%20States%20are%20the%20same
- https://www.researchgate.net/publication/307887569_A_Systematic_Review_and_Meta-Analysis_of_Randomized_and_Nonrandomized_Trials_of_Clinical_Emotional_Freedom_Techniques_EFT_for_the_Treatment_of_Depression
- https://www.efttappingtraining.com/eft-article/now-you-can-handle-gaslighting-in-a-relationship-by-using-eft/
- https://www.mdpi.com/379854
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