Understanding Narcissism: How Helping Professionals Can Aid Victims in Healing With EFT
Narcissistic abuse leaves victims emotionally scarred, often feeling caught in a constant state of confusion, shame, and isolation. This blog addresses the emotional toll of narcissistic abuse and how helping professionals such as therapists, healers, counsellors, and psychologists can aid in the recovery process. It outlines practical tools, including EFT Tapping for narcissism and the Inner Child Matrix (ICM), to support both the victim and the professional working through these complex cases.
What is Narcissistic Abuse | Common signs | How to recognise narcissistic pattern in clients | How to work with clients of narcissism | EFT Tapping for Narcissistic Abuse | Inner Child Matrix | Narcissistic behaviour checklist | Book a Complimentary Discovery Call |
Mary is a 35-year-old woman who feels utterly drained, depressed, and lost after years of enduring her partner's manipulative behaviour. Each time she tries to leave, he manages to convince her she’s the problem, leaving her feeling ashamed and powerless.
As a therapist, psychologist, healer, or counsellor, you might often come across people like Mary, victims of narcissism who are desperately seeking a way out but can’t seem to break free.
They are struggling with deep-rooted trauma and confusion, and you might feel the weight of helping them through their pain.
You want to help them, but the psychological web of narcissistic abuse can be complex, leaving even the most seasoned helping professionals wondering where to begin.
So, how can you guide them when narcissism is so elusive and damaging?
Effective strategies and techniques like Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) and the Inner Child Matrix (ICM) can uplift you and your clients in this healing process.
What Is Narcissistic Abuse?
In the previous blog on Narcissism, we discussed that narcissistic abuse often leaves deep emotional scars that aren’t visible but are just as damaging as physical wounds. Narcissists typically employ manipulation tactics, including gaslighting, guilt-tripping, and controlling behaviour, to maintain power over their victims.
The effects can be long-lasting, leaving survivors grappling with feelings of unworthiness, self-doubt, and emotional confusion. As a helping professional, recognising the complex patterns of narcissistic behaviour is essential (1).
Understanding the nuances of this abuse can significantly affect how effectively you guide your clients toward healing.
Common Signs of Narcissistic Abuse
Following are the common signs of Narcissistic abuse:
- Gaslighting: Making the victim question their reality.
- Emotional Manipulation: Using guilt or flattery to control behaviour.
- Isolation: Cutting off the victim from friends or family.
- Blame-shifting: Narcissists rarely take responsibility for their actions and often shift the blame onto the victim.
- Triangulation: Bringing in third parties to further manipulate the victim.
The Emotional Toll on Victims of Narcissism
Survivors of narcissistic abuse often find themselves emotionally shattered, struggling with trust issues, low self-esteem, and even PTSD-like symptoms. The emotional toll can be overwhelming, leading to a cycle of self-blame, confusion, and constant fear of being judged or mistreated again.
As a practitioner, it is important to understand that the victim's emotional damage may not just be due to the overt manipulation they’ve undergone.
It is also the subtle erosion of their identity over time that leaves them feeling powerless.
How to Recognise Narcissistic Pattern in Your Clients?
Here's how you can recognise the pattern of narcissistic abuse in your clients:
- Hypervigilance: They may seem overly cautious or constantly on guard.
- Difficulty Trusting: Many survivors struggle to trust anyone, including their therapist.
- Fear of Speaking Up: They might downplay their experiences or feel reluctant to label it as ‘abuse.’
- Confusion and Self-Doubt: They may doubt their own perceptions of reality.
Common Challenges Faced by Helping Professionals
While working with the victims of narcissism, following challenges are faced by professionals:
1.
Victim Reluctance
Many victims find it difficult to break free due to deep emotional entanglement or fear of retaliation.
2.
Manipulation by the Narcissist
In some cases, the abuser may attempt to manipulate the professional or undermine their authority, making it harder to gain the victim's trust.
3.
Complex Trauma
Victims often experience layered trauma that requires careful, long-term support. The healing process can be slow, and professionals need to work with them with patience and understanding.
It’s essential for you, as a practitioner, to be equipped with strategies that support your clients while maintaining clear professional boundaries.
How to Strategically Work with Clients Affected by Narcissism?
Working with clients who exhibit narcissistic tendencies or are in relationships with narcissists require a compassionate, strategic, and trauma-informed approach. A few strategies are as follows:
1.
Understanding the Narcissistic Dynamic
Engagement: Clients may engage because they feel victimised or insecure. Both the giver and receiver in a narcissistic relationship often experience insecurity, creating a dynamic where both parties reflect each other’s emotional needs.
Healing Focus: The goal for the client, particularly the one suffering from narcissistic abuse, is self-inquiry and healing. Help them explore their worth, and assist them in recognising that they deserve healthy, meaningful relationships.
Client Empowerment: Work with the client to uncover self-love, safety, and security. Encourage them to reflect on what they gained from the relationship and how they can provide for those needs themselves.
2.
Therapeutic Techniques
Self-Inquiry: Use questions like "What did you get from the relationship?" and "How can you give that to yourself?" This helps the client understand the root of their connection to the narcissist and reclaim their emotional independence.
Shadow Work: This involves identifying and integrating repressed parts of the client’s psyche. For those stuck in the "Do I stay or go?" dilemma, delve into their conflicting desires and explore what drives those conflicts.
Parts Integration: A helpful approach is to identify sub-personalities within the client, such as the “victim” or the one who avoids standing up for themselves. This process can reveal deeper truths about the client’s emotional needs.
Jungian Archetypes: Exploring archetypes (e.g., victim, abuser) through techniques like tapping can allow the client to integrate their conflicting parts, moving towards emotional wholeness.
3.
Forgiveness and Letting Go
Self-Forgiveness: Guide the client towards forgiveness whether forgiving themselves or the abuser's soul (but not the behaviour). This process allows for emotional cord-cutting and true freedom.
Goal Setting for the Future: After this healing work, help the client set future goals, using methods like Neuro-Linguistic Programming coaching to craft well-formed outcomes and prioritise a compelling future.
4.
Practitioner Preparation
Empathy and Compassion: Before sessions, practitioners must clear their own emotional triggers and prepare to meet the client without judgment. This includes meditative practices like the Empty Vessel Meditation and releasing personal shame.
Stripping Labels: Moving beyond the label of “narcissist” and recognising the human behind the behaviour is critical. Understanding that narcissism often stems from unresolved trauma helps practitioners offer compassionate support.
5.
Strengthening Clients in Ongoing Relationships
Boundary Setting: Clients in ongoing relationships with narcissists need to set clear boundaries. Ask reflective questions to help them understand what they love about their partner, what triggers discomfort, and what boundaries they need to maintain emotional safety.
Secondary Gain Exploration: This helps clients explore any subconscious benefits (secondary gains) from staying in the relationship and address these through parts of work.
6.
Managing Fear of Narcissism
Practical Tools: Provide clients with checklists or direct them to psychologists for professional assessments of their relationship dynamics.
Self-Work: Encourage them to engage in self-inquiry, focusing on what triggers them emotionally and where these wounds originated.
7.
Dealing with Narcissistic Traits in the Client
Self-Compassion: Clients who discover narcissistic traits within themselves need self-compassion and deep inquiry. Engage them in Inner Child Matrix work to explore when and where these traits developed.
Integration Work: Through emotional tapping and self-awareness, clients can acknowledge and transform narcissistic tendencies without rejecting these parts of themselves.
8.
Understanding NPD Diagnosis
Diagnostic Clarity: Differentiating between Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and General Narcissistic Traits involves understanding the spectrum of behaviours. Empathise with the trauma that often underlies these traits and avoid fixating solely on labels.
9.
Overcoming Trauma Bonding
Address Trauma Bonds: Trauma bonds form when patterns of abuse create emotional attachment. Help clients escape by exploring their attachment styles and encouraging deeper self-understanding.
Empath and Narcissist Dynamic: Recognise that empaths often attract narcissistic partners, and working on co-dependency patterns is crucial to empower the client to create healthier relationships.
10.
Client’s Path to Wholeness
Shadow work, archetypal work, and self-forgiveness all contribute to the client’s path toward emotional wholeness. By integrating opposing forces (e.g., victim and abuser, love and hate), clients can achieve inner harmony.
Healing Techniques: Emotional Freedom Techniques and Inner Child Matrix
While talk therapy is a common route for recovery, integrating healing modalities like Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) and the Inner Child Matrix (ICM) can offer a holistic approach to healing both the mind and body.
What is EFT TAPPING FOR NARCISSISM?
EFT Tapping for narcissism is a method that combines elements of cognitive therapy and exposure therapy with acupressure. It is particularly effective for trauma victims, including those who have tolerated narcissistic abuse.
By tapping on specific meridian points while verbalising their feelings, you can help your clients release emotional blockages, resulting in relief from anxiety, stress, and traumatic memories.
How EFT Tapping Helps with Narcissistic Abuse?
Following are the reasons to use EFT Tapping technique for victims of narcissistic abuse:
1.
Reduces Anxiety
Emotional Freedom Techniques helps reduce the emotional charge associated with traumatic memories by calming the nervous system.
2.
Releases Negative Beliefs
Clients often carry limiting beliefs about their worth, perpetuated by the abuser. EFT Tapping helps shift these beliefs into more empowering ones.
3.
Empowers the Survivor
It equips your clients with a technique which they can also use outside of therapy. This makes them feel more in control of their healing journey.
EFT Tapping Steps to Heal Emotional Hurt from Narcissistic Abuse
WHAT IS Inner Child Matrix?
The Inner Child Matrix is a transformational tool designed to heal early-life trauma. Since narcissistic abuse often triggers deep wounds from childhood (e.g., feelings of unworthiness or rejection), addressing the inner child can be crucial in the healing process.
This technique involves guiding clients to revisit key childhood experiences, allowing them to reframe and heal from those events.
Following are the reasons how it works:
1.
Reframes Childhood Trauma
Many survivors of narcissistic abuse discover that their trauma stems from unhealed childhood wounds. The Inner Child Matrix helps address these core issues and heal.
2.
Creates Emotional Safety
This technique allows clients to feel safe in their vulnerability, encouraging emotional expression with ease.
3.
Restores a Sense of Self
By reconnecting with their inner child, survivors often regain a sense of identity and self-worth that the abuser eroded.
Narcissistic Behaviour Checklist to Identify Narcissistic Behaviour Patterns
Use this checklist to determine if your client might have experienced narcissistic behaviour from someone in their life. Ask them and rate each statement based on their experiences with the person in question:
Rate each statement from 0-3 (0 = Not at all, 1 = Sometimes, 2 = Often, 3 = Always):
1.
Exaggerated Self-Importance
- Does that person constantly talk about how great they are?
- Does that person believe they are superior to others?
2.
Need for Admiration
- Does that person frequently seek praise and validation from you and others?
- Does that person get upset if they are not the centre of attention?
3.
Lack of Empathy
- Does that person rarely show understanding or concern for your feelings?
- Does that person seem indifferent to your needs and experiences?
4.
Sense of Entitlement
- Does that person expect special treatment and privileges?
- Does that person have unrealistic expectations of you?
5.
Interpersonal Exploitiveness
- Does that person often use you or others to get what they want?
- Does that person manipulate situations to their advantage?
6.
Envy
- Does that person often feel jealous of others’ success or possessions?
- Does that person believe others are envious of them?
7.
Arrogance
- Does that person frequently belittle or demean you and others?
- Does that person act superior and look down on people?
8.
Reaction to Criticism
- Does that person react very poorly to criticism or negative feedback?
- Does that person become defensive, angry, or hostile when criticized?
9.
Relationships
- Do their relationships, including yours, often feel superficial?
- Does that person have difficulty maintaining deep, meaningful relationships?
Scoring
- 0-8: Low likelihood of experiencing narcissistic behaviour.
- 9-16: Moderate likelihood; some behaviours may be present.
- 17-24: High likelihood; significant narcissistic behaviours are likely present.
- 25-27: Very high likelihood; consistent and pervasive narcissistic behaviours are likely present.
WHAT ARE YOUR NEXT STEPS?
Following are the suggested next steps:
- Reflect: Consider how these behaviours have affected your well-being.
- Seek Support: Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or a mental health professional.
- Set Boundaries: Establish and maintain healthy boundaries to protect yourself.
- Therapy: Engage in therapeutic techniques like Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) to help explore and heal from these experiences.
How Helping Professionals Manage Compassion Fatigue?
While you are dedicated to guiding your clients toward healing, it is important to recognise that working with trauma survivors can take a toll on your own mental and emotional health. Compassion fatigue, or the emotional exhaustion that results from caring for others, is a common issue among therapists, healers, and counsellors.
You might start to feel constantly drained or emotionally exhausted after sessions, making it difficult to fully switch off. Irritability can creep in, particularly when clients seem "stuck" in their healing journey.
Over time, you may notice a reduced sense of empathy, finding it harder to connect with your client's pain. Isolation can also become an issue, where you feel disconnected from your personal life and struggle to leave work at work.
To prevent burnout, it's crucial to set clear boundaries with your clients. This means managing emotional limits and ensuring you don’t carry their trauma home. Regular supervision can also be a great way to release your own emotions and gain insights into tricky cases.
Self-care practices, like exercise, meditation, pursuing hobbies, or spending time with family, are essential to recharge your mind and body.
Don’t forget to lean on your peers and connect with other professionals who understand the demands of your work and provide much-needed support.
CONCLUSION
Helping survivors of narcissistic abuse can be challenging, but with the right tools and approaches, you can facilitate deep and lasting healing. Techniques like EFT Tapping and the Inner Child Matrix (ICM) allow both you and your clients to move through trauma with greater ease.
While providing compassionate care is important, don’t forget to care for yourself. Maintaining a healthy balance will help you avoid burnout and make you a more effective practitioner.
Love,
Dr Rangana Rupavi Choudhuri (PhD)
P.S. Want to discover how EFT Tapping and Inner Child Matrix are right for your clients and how you can support them using these techniques? Book a Complimentary Discovery Call with me.
In summary, helping professionals like therapists, healers, counsellors, and psychologists assist survivors of narcissistic abuse using techniques like EFT Tapping and the Inner Child Matrix. Narcissistic abuse leaves deep emotional scars, but with solicitude, effective tools, and self-care, you can help your clients regain their sense of self. Do not forget, that healing is a journey, both for the victim and the professional guiding them.
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