How to resolve conflicts and arguments? – 5 steps to PEACE
“Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding” – Albert Einstein
Have you ever had one of those days, where you argued with someone before starting your day and everything just fell apart?
Your sense of peace and mental clarity becomes instantly disturbed.
You might have even found your ears became red hot, heart-beat increased and your palms became moist with sweat.
Alternatively, the moment you were triggered you shut down and froze feeling uncertain as to how to act and what to do. In fear you withdrew your energy and turned away.
Conflicts happen all the time, and it’s the one’s closest to us that can hurt us the most.
Be it a conversation with your mother that escalates into a fight over a disagreement, a sister in law who is possessive over your brother and stops talking, a colleague who consistently let’s you down or worse still a close friend who betrays your trust.
The conflicts that occur though with a husband, wife or lover can be the most de-stabling. Accordingly to research a fight with a loved one, is like experiencing trauma as a result of a fatal accident.
The argument can start to play internally over and over again destroying all sense of calm and stability.
One of the major reasons a conflict occurs is because of a lack in understanding of the different point’s of view. This is compounded by escalated emotions, which results in clouded judgment and foggy thinking.
Everyone wants to be right. Yours and their perspective is the most important!
Once an understanding of your viewpoint and the others is gained it allows for a
- Sense of peace and
- Clarity of right action
One of the processes that I teach during Breakthrough Coaching with NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming), that has helped tens of thousands world-wide resolve conflicts is known as Perceptual Positions.
It allows for the different perspectives to be learnt, including that of a wise mentor. I am always blown away how this process allows for rapid transformation, conflict resolution and right action.
When I first learnt the process, I used it to resolve a conflict I had with my boss, where I felt dis-empowered by him. He would take my work and share it with the main board and not provide feedback after wards. It made me feel insignificant and unworthy. After using Perceptual positions process, I understood his perspective, had complete clarity on how to act and was no longer over thinking or analysing what to do.
There are so many stories like this which emerge during Breakthrough Coaching NLP training after the conflict resolution process:
- A sister that comes to peace with her brother’s lack of communication
- A best friend who forgives her friend’s aggressive behaviour which lead to an escalated argument
- A stock broker who became more loving and kind to his dog
- A daughter who goes to visit her estranged father
- A wife who understands her husband better and on reaching home initiates love making
- A son from Denmark who ran away from home, calls his father and tells him he loves him and books a flight to meet his Dad after one year apart
The 5 steps to resolving conflicts and regaining peace.
- Let it out – Imagine that the person you have a conflict with is standing right in front of you. First share with them out loud every single thing you wanted them to know about the conflict. I mean every single thing!
- Understand the others persons point of view – Imagine yourself stepping into the body of the person you have a conflict with. Breathe how they’re breathing. Feel how they’re feeling. Let them speak through you and share every single thing they feel about the conflict.
- Get some advice – Now imagine a mentor or a wise person. Imagine stepping into their body. Breathe how they breathe and feel how they feel. Ask them for advice for yourself, about the situation and how to resolve it. The advice will provide understanding and clarity on what to do.
- Step back and reflect – Step back now as yourself. Shake yourself to clear the energies. Then say out loud your name, “My name is ….(your name!)”. Then reflect on what you have learnt.
- Taking right action – Having learnt what you have learnt about your perspective, the other persons perspective and even that of the observer, now reflect on what you would do different about the relationship and how you would resolve the conflict.
In closing, conflicts and arguments are natural and part of life and the one’s closest to us or those we value the most, can hurt us more than anyone else. Resolving conflicts can be easy, using the 5 steps that allow for understanding, clarity and right action.
To learn how the conflict resolution process works or become professionally qualified as a coach, making a difference to others and earning a living learn about what is covered during Breakthrough Coaching with NLP.
P.S – Our next Next Breakthrough Coaching with NLP
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