From Guilt to Grace: Releasing the Burdens of Shame with Emotional FreedomTechniques

In this blog, you'll learn how Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) can offer a holistic approach to healing by addressing the deep-rooted emotions tied to shame. You’ll explore what shame is, how it develops, its common symptoms, and effective coping methods. Also, see the gentle yet powerful tapping steps to help you release and heal from shame.

Have you ever experienced shame? How often have you been told, “You shouldn’t feel that way” or “Just let it go” instead of being heard?

It’s as if there’s this unspoken rule that feeling ashamed or not being “good enough” should be swept under the rug, hidden from sight.

The weight of shame often feels heavier when met like this.

However, shame doesn’t just disappear when ignored. It develops, grows, and quietly shapes the way you (angle of you) see yourself and interact with the world.

Everybody experiences shame at some point. It’s that sinking feeling that whispers, “You’re not enough,” whether in relationships, work, or even within yourself.

It’s like carrying a heavy, invisible cloak that you can’t seem to shake off. And when shame tightens its grip, it’s easy to retreat into self-doubt, avoiding situations or people that might expose those feelings.

In my line of work, I have met countless people struggling with the weight of shame, feeling stuck in cycles of self-criticism and avoidance. They carry stories of past mistakes or failures that play on repeat, convincing them that their worth is tied to their flaws.

But here’s the thing: you don’t have to live under the shadow of shame forever. Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) can help you gently untangle these feelings, allowing you to break free and reclaim your self-worth.

With EFT Tapping, it’s not about pretending shame doesn’t exist or trying to will it away. Instead, it’s about acknowledging it, understanding where it comes from, and using tapping to release the emotional charge it holds.

This practice helps you rewrite the story you tell yourself - transforming shame into self-acceptance and inner peace. Remember, you are so much more than the shame you carry. So, let's get started.

What is shame?

Shame is a feeling of embarrassment or humiliation that arises from the perception of having done something dishonorable, immoral, or improper.

The statistics show that nearly half of UK adults believe there is a great deal, or a fair amount, of shame associated with depression (48%), schizophrenia (56%) and bipolar disorder (51%).

Why do you experience shame?

Shame often stems from how you’ve learnt to protect yourself or fit into the world around you. It's shaped by personal experiences, societal pressures, and the way you see yourself. Here are some common causes of shame to develop:

Childhood experiences:

If you were criticised, neglected, or made to feel small as a child, you might have grown up feeling unworthy. These early messages often stick, shaping how you see yourself.

Fear of rejection:

Shame often comes from the worry of being judged or excluded. When you feel like others might see you as flawed or unworthy, it triggers this deep emotion.

Internal criticism:

Public speaking can feel like a one-way street where you share your message, and the fear of no one reacting or engaging with what you say can end up making anyone feel very anxious and isolated.

Cultural and societal influences:

Society often sets unrealistic standards, like how you should look, act, or succeed. Failing to meet these can create feelings of shame and inadequacy.

Past relationships or traumatic experience:

Hurtful interactions with family, peers, or authority figures like bullying or rejection can deeply impact your sense of self.

Mental health:

Struggles with anxiety, depression, or similar challenges can bring shame, especially when you feel like you need to hide your struggles from others.

Shame is complex, but recognising where it comes from is the first step to releasing it and finding self-acceptance.

Recognising the symptoms of shame

The symptoms of shame can manifest in various emotional, cognitive, and behavioural ways. Here are some common indicators:

Emotional symptoms:

Intense feelings of worthlessness: Individuals may feel fundamentally flawed or inadequate.

Guilt and anxiety: Shame often coexists with feelings of guilt, leading to heightened anxiety about perceived failures.

Isolation and loneliness: A person may withdraw from social interactions due to fear of judgment or rejection.

Cognitive symptoms:

Negative self-talk: There is a possibility of engaging in self-critical thoughts, believing unlovable or unworthy.

Rumination: A tendency to obsess over past mistakes or perceived shortcomings can intensify feelings of shame.

Behavioural symptoms:

Avoidance: People may avoid situations or people that trigger feelings of shame.

Perfectionism: In an attempt to counteract feelings of shame, individuals might strive for unattainable standards, leading to stress and burnout.

Substance abuse: Some may even turn to alcohol or drugs to cope with feelings of shame.

Physical symptoms:

Somatic complaints: Shame can show up physically through headaches, fatigue, or gastrointestinal issues. These symptoms can significantly impact an individual's mental health and overall quality of life. Addressing shame in therapeutic settings is essential for promoting healing and self-acceptance.

These symptoms can significantly impact an individual's mental health and overall quality of life. Addressing shame in therapeutic settings is essential for promoting healing and self-acceptance.

Why is it necessary to address shame?

Unresolved shame can have a deep impact on your well-being. It increases mental health struggles like depression and anxiety by eroding your self-esteem. Shame leads to isolation, making it hard to form healthy relationships and pushing you away from personal growth. By confronting shame, you create space for healing, self-acceptance, and the courage to live authentically.

how to deal with shame?

Dealing with shame involves a combination of self-awareness, self-compassion, and therapeutic practices.

Here are some steps to help manage and heal from shame:

Acknowledge and accept it:

The first step in dealing with shame is recognising and accepting it without judgment. Understand that it's a normal emotion that everyone experiences at some point.

Identify the source:

Reflect on the underlying causes of your shame. Is it related to past experiences, societal expectations, or personal beliefs? Understanding the source can help you address it more effectively.

Challenge negative beliefs:

Shame often comes from distorted thinking. Challenge these negative beliefs by focusing on facts and reminding yourself of your strengths and positive qualities.

Practice self-compassion:

Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a close friend. Self-compassion can help counteract the harsh self-criticism that often accompanies shame.

Seek support:

Talking to a trusted friend, therapist, or support group helps you feel more connected. Sharing your feelings of shame in a safe space can reduce its power.

Embrace vulnerability:

Allow yourself to be imperfect and vulnerable. Recognise that everyone has flaws and makes mistakes. Embracing vulnerability can reduce shame’s hold and encourage a sense of connection lessening the urge of being aloof.

Use therapeutic techniques:

Methods like Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), and mindfulness can help you process and release shame. These techniques promote emotional regulation and help shift negative thought patterns.

Set boundaries:

Learning to set healthy boundaries can protect you from situations that trigger shame. It’s important to prioritise your well-being and not overextend yourself to please others.

Focus on personal growth:

Work on personal development by setting small, achievable goals. This can help build your confidence and reduce feelings of inadequacy.

Taking these steps can help lessen the impact of shame and lead you toward healing and self-acceptance.Overcoming shame can feel like an overwhelming journey, but it's important to remember that it’s possible to heal and move forward. One effective way to address shame is through Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT).

Does EFT Tapping really work in overcoming the feeling of shame?

EFT is one of the most effective techniques to use in shame work because it works by tapping on specific acupressure points while focusing on the emotion at hand. This process helps release the emotional charge associated with shame, leading to a profound sense of relief and healing. Here’s how EFT can be used to address and release shame:

Acknowledge the shame

The first step in overcoming shame is to recognise and name it. Acknowledging shame without judgment allows individuals to begin understanding its origins and how it affects their thoughts and behaviours. This self-awareness is key in beginning the healing process. In EFT, you often need to start by tapping while focusing on the very existence of shame within yourself, which can help mitigate emotional reactions (abreactions) and make the process smoother.

Practice self-compassion

Self-compassion is essential when working through shame. Instead of self-criticism, treating yourself with kindness and understanding fosters a nurturing inner dialogue. EFT taps on specific meridian points while helping individuals release harsh judgment and promote self-acceptance. Studies have shown that self-compassion can significantly reduce the impact of shame, promoting emotional resilience and healing.

Challenge negative thoughts

Shame often involves negative and distorted thoughts, such as the belief that we are inherently flawed or unworthy. Through EFT, individuals can tap into these negative patterns and challenge them. The process involves questioning these limiting beliefs and replacing them with more balanced and compassionate perspectives, significantly reducing the power shame holds.

Shame can be an overwhelming force, but it is not something that has to define us. With the right tools, like Emotional Freedom Techniques, it’s possible to break free from the chains of shame, rewire our emotional responses, and embrace our authentic selves.

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PROOF OF THE EFFECTIVENESS OF EMOTIONAL FREEDOM TECHNIQUES (Case Studies)

Releasing shame and headache

Lisa, a client, came to her EFT session experiencing a throbbing headache rated 7/10. She was overwhelmed with feelings of shame and guilt, believing that she had not been present for her son during his childhood. As Lisa worked through these emotions with EFT tapping, her headache intensity dropped significantly to a 3/10. By the end of the session, her headache disappeared, and she felt emotionally lighter, having released the shame she had carried for years. (1)

Overcoming pain and emotional burdens

Another client, Brenda, had been dealing with a 36-year-old injury to her right arm. Although she had previously sought relief through EFT focused on anger, the pain would come and go. Recently, the pain became excruciating, prompting Brenda to worry that her arm might be seriously damaged. During further EFT work with The Unseen Therapist, Brenda uncovered additional emotions like fear, victimhood, regret, humiliation, shame, guilt, and sadness. After 15-20 minutes of tapping, the pain subsided, and Brenda was able to move her fingers with minimal discomfort, cancelling her doctor’s appointment in relief.

Both Lisa and Brenda struggled with unresolved shame, which was affecting their physical and emotional well-being. Through EFT, they were able to address and release these feelings, leading to significant healing and relief from their symptoms.(2)

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Steps for using EFT Tapping to explore and release shame

EFT Tapping is a transformative tool for understanding and letting go of shame. This practice allows you to confront feelings of unworthiness, guilt, or self-judgment, helping you heal and regain confidence. Below is a step-by-step guide to explore and release shame:

EFT Tapping Steps to overcome shame are as follows:

Step 1:

Use EFT Tapping to address the physical feelings of shame

Start by identifying how shame feels in your body. Use the EFT Tapping process to work on the physical sensations and reduce their intensity.

Identify the physical sensations of shame:

Reflect on where you feel the shame in your body. Ask yourself:

"Where in my body do I feel this shame?"

"What is its texture, colour, size, or shape?"

"What does it remind me of?"

Measure the intensity of shame:

Rate it on a scale of 1 to 10, where 10 is overwhelming and 1 is minimal. Trust the first number that comes to mind.

Create a setup statement:

Tap on the Karate Chop (Side of the Hand) point while saying:

"Even though I feel this shame, and I feel it in my [part of the body] at a number [intensity], I deeply and completely love and accept myself."

Repeat this setup statement three times.

Tap on the facial and upper body EFT Tapping Points:

Eyebrow: This shame I feel…
Side of the Eye: So much shame in my ____...
Under the Eye: It feels like a number ____...
Under the Nose: I feel unworthy because of this shame…
Chin: It’s so heavy in my ____...
Collarbone: I feel stuck in this shame...
Under the arm: It weighs me down...
Thumb: I’m ashamed of ____...
Index Finger: This shame feels unbearable...
Middle Finger: It’s so intense...
Little Finger: I don’t know how to release it...

Return to the Karate Chop point and say:

"Even though I feel this shame, and I feel it in my ____ at a number ____, I deeply and completely love and accept myself."

Relax

Take a deep breath in, exhale slowly, and sip some water to help your body release tension.

Test the intensity

Reflect on how the shame feels now:

"What number is the shame at now?"

"What has shifted in my emotions or body?"

If the intensity remains high, repeat the process until it decreases significantly.

Step 2:

Address root cause or experiences of shame

Explore specific situations or events from the past that contributed to your feelings of shame. Use the "Tell the Story" or "Movie Technique" to release associated emotions.

Step 3:

Shift limiting beliefs around shame

Identify limiting beliefs that keep you feeling ashamed and transform them into empowering ones. For example:

From: "I’ll always feel ashamed of this" to "I’m free to let go of shame."

From: "I’m not good enough" to "I’m worthy and deserving."

Step 4:

End with positive tapping to embrace confidence

Use positive EFT Tapping sequences to replace shame with self-acceptance and confidence:

"Even though I used to feel ashamed, I now choose to feel self-acceptance."

"Even though I carried shame for a long time, I’m ready to let it go and embrace confidence."

By following these steps, you can release the burden of shame and create space for greater self-love and inner peace.

CONCLUSION

Shame can hold you back and affect how you see yourself, but it doesn’t have to control you. By understanding where it comes from and its effects, you can start to heal and move toward positivity. Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) provide a simple way to let go of the emotional weight of shame, helping to rebuild self-worth.

With self-compassion, challenging negative thoughts, and using tools like EFT, you can free yourself from shame and live with confidence. Healing takes time, but every step brings you closer to the peace and happiness you deserve.

Love,

Dr Rangana Rupavi Choudhari (PhD)

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Shame is a deeply rooted emotion that can affect many aspects of your life, including your relationships, self-worth, and mental health. Identifying and addressing shame is essential for healing and personal growth. By exploring the underlying causes and triggers of shame through thoughtful questions, you can gain greater insight into its impact on your life.

Using techniques like Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), you can release the emotional charge attached to shame, helping you build self-acceptance and emotional freedom. Regular practice of EFT can assist in letting go of feelings of guilt, humiliation, and inadequacy, encouraging a healthier, more empowered mindset.

“If we can share our story with someone who can respond with empathy and understanding, shame can't survive.”

Brene Brown

References:

1. https://eftuniverse.com/migraine/headache-linked-to-shame-guilt-and-regrets/

2. https://www.palaceofpossibilities.com/post/brenda-s-impossible-arm-pain-relief

3. https://eftinternational.org/shamework-the-most-important-work-well-ever-do/