EFT to Get Over Porn Addiction: Healing from the Inside Out
In this article, you will explore the underlying emotional reasons or unmet emotional needs that may lead someone to become addicted to pornography and how Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) and Inner Child Matrix (ICM) can help address and heal those deeper wounds. This piece is written with compassion and honesty to support you on your healing journey. We’ll also include powerful reflection questions and tapping prompts to help you get started.
introduction | What is Pornography Addiction? | Symptoms of Pornography Addiction | Overcoming Pornography Addiction | Emotional Roots of Pornography Addiction: Understanding The Deeper Layers | Is Porn Addiction Recovery Possible? | Counselling For Pornography Addiction | How EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) Can Help To Overcome Porn Addiction | CAN SEX EDUCATION HELP PREVENT PORN ADDICTION? |
How EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) Can Help To Overcome Porn Addiction | case study |
Steps for Using EFT Tapping to Overcome Porn Addiction by Addressing Emotional Triggers | conclusion
Have you ever promised yourself, “This is the last time,” only to find yourself going back to the same pattern again?
Maybe you feel stuck in a cycle of shame, guilt, or secrecy around porn use. If so, you are not alone.
Pornography addiction is more common than most people think, but what makes it challenging isn’t just the habit itself, it’s the pain behind it.
This is a safe space, and it’s here to help you understand that the urge to turn to pornography is often less about desire or lust and more about unmet emotional needs.
It can be about longing. A longing for connection, comfort, or a way to escape what hurts inside.
However, there is a way to heal.
What is Pornography Addiction?
Porn addiction happens when watching porn becomes something you feel compelled to do even when you know it’s negatively affecting your life.
Symptoms of Pornography Addiction
Pornography addiction becomes a problem when:
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You can’t stop thinking about it – You spend a lot of time watching or searching for porn on internet, even when you have other important things to do.
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You need more to feel the same – What used to be enough no longer satisfies you, so you look for more extreme or different content.
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It affects your real life – Your relationships, studies, work, or confidence start to suffer.
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You’ve tried to stop but can’t – You tell yourself, “This is the last time,” but end up doing it again.
Just like any other addiction, it’s not about being weak. It’s a cycle your brain gets stuck in, and you can break it with the right support and tools.
Overcoming Pornography Addiction
Overcoming pornography addiction starts with acknowledging that it’s become a problem, not just a casual habit. Obsession with pornography can feel like it’s taking over your mind and daily routine. It’s not just about physical urges but often involves identifying what triggers the urge, like stress, loneliness, or emotional discomfort, and finding healthier coping methods.
Building new habits such as engaging in creative hobbies, exercising, or connecting with supportive people can help fill the emotional gaps that porn once covered.
Setting boundaries, like limiting screen time or using website blockers, also plays a key role. Most importantly, be patient with yourself; healing from pornography takes time, and every step you take matters.
Emotional Roots of Pornography Addiction: Understanding The Deeper Layers
Pornography addiction, like any compulsive behaviour, often has emotional undercurrents. It’s not about willpower or morality, it’s about emotional pain, unfulfilled needs, and unconscious coping mechanisms.
Below are some common emotional themes often seen in people struggling with pornography addiction, followed by questions that can gently guide awareness, healing, and emotional release.
1.
Loneliness and isolation
Feeling emotionally disconnected or lacking fulfilling relationships is a common trigger. Pornography often becomes a coping mechanism to escape this emotional void, offering a temporary sense of connection or intimacy.
Reflective questions:
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Do you often feel emotionally disconnected or alone?
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What specific times of day do you feel this the most?
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When did you first notice using pornography as a substitute for real human connection?
2.
Shame
Shame and guilt are recurring emotions in those struggling with pornography. The secrecy, self-judgment, and societal stigma create a painful inner loop that prevents seeking help or healing.
Reflective questions:
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How do you feel about your behaviour related to pornography?
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Do you feel guilty or ashamed afterward?
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Do you find it hard to forgive yourself for your past actions related to porn?
3.
Low self-worth
Feelings of “not being good enough,” insecurity, or believing you’re unlovable can create emotional wounds. Pornography can then become a form of validation or escape.
Reflective questions:
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Do you ever use pornography to feel desirable or accepted?
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Do you feel like you’ve been hiding this part of yourself for years?
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What do you believe about yourself when you turn to porn?
3.
Low self-worth
Feelings of “not being good enough,” insecurity, or believing you’re unlovable can create emotional wounds. Pornography can then become a form of validation or escape.
Reflective questions:
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Do you ever use pornography to feel desirable or accepted?
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Do you feel like you’ve been hiding this part of yourself for years?
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What do you believe about yourself when you turn to porn?
4.
Escaping emotional pain
People often use porn to numb pain from trauma, loss, or emotional struggles. While it provides short-term relief, the pain stays unresolved.
Reflective questions:
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What past traumas are you still carrying?
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Do you watch porn to numb the pain of past relationships?
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Do you find yourself turning to porn when you feel lonely or rejected?
5.
Relationship issues
People often use porn to numb pain from trauma, loss, or emotional struggles. While it provides short-term relief, the pain stays unresolved.
Reflective questions:
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What past traumas are you still carrying?
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Do you watch porn to numb the pain of past relationships?
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Do you find yourself turning to porn when you feel lonely or rejected?
6.
Boredom and escapism
Pornography is often used to fill time or escape the dullness of life. It offers a quick hit of excitement in an otherwise monotonous or unfulfilling routine.
Reflective questions:
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Do you notice a pattern of watching porn when you’re bored or unmotivated?
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What areas of your life feel dull or lacking purpose?
7.
Stress and anxiety relief
Porn can act like a pressure release valve offering momentary comfort when faced with stress, deadlines, or emotional overwhelm.
Reflective questions:
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When you’re stressed or anxious, do you automatically reach for porn?
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Did you start using porn as a way to cope with stress in your adult life?
8.
Unresolved childhood trauma
Early exposure to pornography, neglect, or emotional/sexual trauma in childhood can shape adult behaviour. Pornography may act as a coping mechanism tied to deep emotional wounds.
Reflective Questions:
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When did you first start viewing pornography?
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What was happening in your life emotionally at that time?
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Have you been using porn since your teenage years to escape feelings of loneliness?
9.
Desire for control
Some individuals use pornography to feel in control of their fantasies, experiences, and emotions, especially if they feel powerless elsewhere in life.
Reflective questions:
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Do you find comfort in choosing and controlling the content you watch?
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In what areas of life do you feel powerless or out of control?
10.
Fear of intimacy
Intimacy requires vulnerability. For some, getting close to someone emotionally means showing your true self, and that can feel scary.
Porn can become a safer alternative because it doesn’t ask you to be vulnerable or emotionally available.
Reflective Questions:
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Are you afraid of emotional closeness?
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Have you used pornography to avoid the fear of rejection or vulnerability?
Is Porn Addiction Recovery Possible?
Stopping to see porn can feel tough, but with the right help, it is possible. Everyone’s journey is different, so the treatment often includes a mix of things like talking to a therapist, taking medicine if needed, and getting support that fits you. These steps are a lot like how people treat other addictions. The main goal is to help you reduce or stop watching porn in a way that works for you. Let’s look at the different kinds of help that are available.
Counselling For Pornography Addiction
Pornography addiction, also known as compulsive sexual behaviour, can be effectively addressed through counseling and therapy. Various approaches, including cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), and psychodynamic psychotherapy, can help individuals develop coping mechanisms and address underlying issues.
Can Sex Education Help Prevent Porn Addiction?
Yes, sex education can help prevent porn addiction. When kids grow up without open conversations about sex, they often turn to the internet or friends for answers, which can lead to confusion, shame, and unrealistic ideas about intimacy. If parents avoid the topic, children may feel that sex is wrong or dirty. This can set the stage for secretive and unhealthy behaviours later in life. But when families and schools talk openly and honestly about sexuality, kids learn to understand their bodies, respect boundaries, and form healthier views about relationships. Good sex education builds confidence and helps prevent the need to escape into porn.
How EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) Can Help To Overcome Porn Addiction
EFT is a gentle yet powerful healing technique that combines tapping on acupressure points while voicing specific thoughts and emotions.
It can help you release the emotional intensity behind your addiction and bring more awareness to the triggers.
EFT can support you in various ways. It helps you let go of shame and guilt that may be weighing you down, while gently guiding you to heal unresolved trauma and inner child wounds. It also supports you in managing stress and overwhelming emotions, so you feel more balanced and in control. Over time, EFT helps you build a sense of self-worth and develop a deep inner calm that comes from within.
As we discussed above, pornography addiction, like other forms of addiction, is often deeply rooted in emotional themes and unresolved psychological issues. These emotional patterns can show up on both the surface and deeper subconscious levels, influencing a person’s behaviour and reinforcing the addiction.
Common emotional patterns seen in those struggling with pornography addiction can serve as gentle entry points for awareness, healing, and emotional release, especially when supported by tools like EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) and ICM (Inner Child Matrix).
How Inner Child Matrix (ICM) Adds Depth to Healing
ICM allows you to go even deeper. Many addictive patterns start in childhood when your emotional needs were unmet or when early wounds formed. By gently connecting with your inner child, you can begin to:
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Understand where these patterns began
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Offer your younger self the compassion and safety they needed
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Reframe and heal past experiences
ICM enables you to identify, access, and transform emotional wounds stored in the subconscious, often from early life experiences.
ICM in the Context of Addiction
Addictions, whether to pornography, food, control, or screens, are often an unconscious attempt to soothe an unmet emotional need from childhood.
According to Dr. Gabor Maté, a leading voice in addiction and trauma healing:
“The question is not why the addiction, but why the pain?”
ICM helps answer that question by:
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Finding the origin of the pain
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Meeting the child version of self who first felt unsafe or unloved
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Healing the emotional gap that the addiction was trying to fill
Let’s Look At How EFT Can Work For Different Themes You Might Be Experiencing:
Shame and low self-worth:
“Even though I feel ashamed of my actions, I deeply and completely accept myself.”
Trauma and emotional pain:
“Even though I still carry pain from my past, I choose to feel safe now.”
Loneliness and isolation:
“Even though I feel alone and disconnected, I choose to open up to love and connection.”
Escapism and stress:
“Even though I use porn to cope with stress, I am learning healthier ways to care for myself.”
Questions for Reflection and EFT Setup Statements
Use these questions to reflect, journal, or tap with. They help uncover your truth and bring awareness to what needs healing.
1. Porn addiction – Present
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What triggers you to watch pornography?
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What time of day or emotional state do you feel most drawn to it?
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How do you feel emotionally and physically when engaging with porn?
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What emotions come up after watching?
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What would happen if you told someone about your struggle?
Tapping setup ideas:
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“Even though I feel guilty every time I watch, I choose to be kind to myself.”
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“Even though I obsess about it daily, I deeply want to change.”
2. Porn addiction – Past
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When did you first use porn to cope with emotions or stress?
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What painful memories or past relationships do you associate with your addiction?
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What emotional losses have you been trying to fill?
Tapping Setup Ideas:
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“Even though I can’t forgive my teenage self for watching porn, I choose to let go.”
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“Even though I’ve been hiding this for years, I choose to bring compassion to this part of me.”
3. Porn addiction – Future
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Imagine yourself healed and free from porn. How does it feel?
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How do you picture your relationships when you’re no longer hiding?
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What challenges might you face as you quit?
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What are the benefits you will gain from healing?
Tapping setup ideas:
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“Even though I fear failing again, I am willing to try.”
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“Even though some people might not understand, I choose to honour my healing journey.”
Case Study Highlighting How EFT Tapping Supported Recovery From Porn Addiction.
Case Study 1:
Using EFT Tapping to Support Recovery from Porn Addiction with a History of Childhood Sexual Abuse
Here’s a real-life story shared by one of my clients who is a therapist and a certified EFT Practitioner. She opened up about a powerful and deeply transformative experience she had while working with her client who was struggling with porn addiction. (Please note: Names and personal details have been removed to protect privacy.)
Background:
A young boy, sought help for compulsive porn use. During the intake, it emerged that he had experienced sexual abuse during his time at a boarding school, a deeply buried trauma he had never spoken about before. On the outside, he maintained a polite and pleasant demeanor, but internally, he struggled with intense shame, guilt, and a sense of being “dirty.” His pornography addiction had become a way to numb the emotional conflict and the pain of a hidden past.
Session 1: Working with the body’s memory
The first session focused on the physical symptoms, like tightness in the rib cage, which he described as heavy and restricting. Through EFT Tapping, the tension began to ease. As the body relaxed, emotional layers surfaced. Two core feelings emerged: sadness over a lost childhood and guilt linked to the abuse. This session created a significant shift he finally felt safe enough to speak openly about his experience. It brought immense relief and marked the beginning of emotional release.
Session 2: Addressing past trauma
In the second session, the boy revisited painful memories from the past. The work was intense. There was an abreaction, an emotional release through crying, but afterward, he reported a deep sense of relief. For the first time, he could face and begin to accept the parts of his life he had been hiding from. A buried feeling of rejection also surfaced. He had longed for connection, but the person he trusted had chosen someone else, deepening his sense of abandonment. EFT helped begin to soften that pain.
Plan ahead:
The treatment plan involved continued work on past trauma before directly addressing the patterns around porn use. The focus remains on building emotional safety, self-acceptance, and resolving the root emotional wounds that have fueled the addictive behaviour.
Outcome so far:
After just two sessions, the client reported feeling lighter, more open, and less burdened by secrecy. The layers of guilt, shame, and rejection had begun to dissolve, opening the path toward deeper healing.
Case Study: 2
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for Couples Recovering from Sexual Addiction
Based on the 2016 study published in Sexual and Relationship Therapy, this case study highlights how Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) can support couples dealing with the impact of sexual addiction. The model focuses on helping both partners heal by addressing emotional wounds like shame, anger, and betrayal. With the therapist’s support, couples work through difficult emotions, rebuild trust, and form a secure bond. This approach not only helps reduce or eliminate addictive behaviours but also strengthens emotional connection and resilience in the relationship.
Steps for Using EFT Tapping to Overcome Porn Addiction by Addressing Emotional Triggers
For many teenagers, boredom is not just “nothing to do,” it’s an emotional emptiness. Scrolling or watching something like porn can become a quick escape from that heavy, restless feeling. EFT Tapping helps you pause, reflect, and make space for healthier choices. In this guide,
I’ve taken boredom as a theme to demonstrate the EFT Tapping process. But you can easily tap on other emotions too, like loneliness, anxiety, shame, etc.
Step 1:
Step 1: Use EFT Tapping to address the boredom and urge to watch porn
Start by tuning into what’s happening inside when you feel bored. Instead of distracting, try feeling.
1.
Identify how boredom feels in your body:
Ask yourself:
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“Where in my body do I feel this boredom?”
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“Is it heavy, numb, or restless?”
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“If it had a colour, shape, or texture, what would it be?”
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“What does this boredom make me want to do?”
2.
Measure the intensity:
On a scale of 1 to 10, rate how strong the boredom or urge feels. Go with the first number.
3.
Create a setup statement:
While tapping on the Karate Chop point, say:
“Even though I feel so bored and I want to watch porn to escape this feeling, I deeply and completely accept myself.”
Repeat this setup statement three times
4.
Tap on the facial and upper body EFT Tapping Points:
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Eyebrow: I feel so bored right now…
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Side of Eye: This boredom feels like a [describe feeling]…
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Under Eye: I just want something to distract me…
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Under Nose: Watching porn feels like a quick fix…
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Chin: But afterwards, I don’t feel great…
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Collarbone: I wish I knew what to do with this feeling…
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Under Arm: This emptiness makes me restless…
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Thumb: A part of me just wants to feel something…
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Index Finger: But I end up feeling guilty…
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Middle Finger: I feel stuck in this habit…
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Little Finger: I want to choose better, but I don’t know how…
5.
Close the round:
Tap on the Karate Chop point again:
“Even though boredom feels heavy and I use porn to cope, I’m open to learning new ways to handle it.”
6.
Relax
Take a deep breath in, exhale slowly, and sip some water to help your body release tension.
7.
Test the intensity:
Reflect on how the boredom feels now:
“What number is the boredom at now?”
“What has shifted in my emotions or body?”
If the intensity remains high, repeat the process until it decreases significantly.
Step 2:
Explore the deeper reason behind the boredom
Sometimes boredom is more than just a lack of activity. Ask yourself gently:
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“Am I feeling lonely, disconnected, or unstimulated?”
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“When did I start using screens or porn to cope with this?”
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“What emotion hides behind this boredom?”
You can use “Tell the Story” or recall a memory when you first remember escaping boredom through screens or media, and tap through the emotions that come up.
Step 3:
Reframe the boredom and addictive urge
Turn the narrative around with empowering beliefs.
From:
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“I’m bored, and I always end up watching porn.” To:
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“I can sit with boredom and still choose what’s healthy.”
Tap through:
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“Even though I feel bored and it pulls me toward porn, I now know I have a choice.”
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“Even if it’s hard at first, I can try new ways to feel better.”
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“I can explore, move, create, or even just breathe instead.”
Step 4:
End with calming and self-empowering tapping
Close the session with soothing affirmations:
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“Even though I used to escape through porn, I now choose connection and calm.”
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“I’m learning to face boredom instead of running from it.”
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“I am not my urges, I am in charge of my choices.”
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“I give myself permission to grow.”
CONCLUSION
Pornographic addiction can feel isolating, overwhelming, and difficult to talk about, but it doesn’t define you. Understanding the “why” behind the behaviour is the first step toward real healing. With the right support, compassion for yourself, and tools like Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) and Inner Child Matrix (ICM), it’s possible to break free from the emotional grip of addiction. Healing is a journey, not a race. Each step you take, no matter how small, brings you closer to clarity, confidence, and a life aligned with your true self. You are not alone, and you are worthy of a life beyond addiction.
Love,
Dr Rangana Rupavi Choudhari (PhD)
P.S. Want to discover if EFT is right for you? Book a Complimentary Discovery call.
Pornographic addiction can deeply impact your emotional well-being, relationships, and self-image. Understanding its root causes and emotional triggers is key to healing. By using techniques like Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) and doing inner child work, you can gently release guilt, shame, and compulsive patterns. With consistent practice, EFT supports emotional clarity, self-acceptance, and a path to freedom from addiction.
“You’re not broken. You’re learning how to cope without escaping.”
Anonymous
References:
1. https://www.talktoangel.com/blog/understanding-and-overcoming-pornography-addiction
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